1. Any and all compliments
can be handled by simply saying "Thank you",
though it helps if you say it
with a Southern accent.2. Some people are working backstage,
some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing,
some are in the audience as
critics and some are there to applaud.
Know who and where you are.3. Never give yourself a haircut
after three margaritas.4. When baking, follow directions.
When cooking, go by your own taste.5. Never continue dating anyone who
is rude to the waiter.6. Good sex should involve laughter.
Because, you know....it's funny.7. You need only two tools.
WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should,
use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.8. If you tell a lie, don't believe
it deceives only the other person.9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship:
"I apologize" and
"You are right".10. Everyone seems normal until
you get to know them.11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.12. The only really good advice
that I remember my mother ever gave me was:
"Go! You might meet somebody!"13. If s/he says that you are too good
for him/her-believe him/her.14. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself,
"Will this matter one year from now?
How about one month? One week? One day?"15. At hard times I ask myself, "How do I feel?
What do I want?" I use it whenever I'm at a loss
for words or thoughts.16. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
17. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!18. If you move far from your
family when you're young,
consider choosing a career with an airline.
Your need to see your family will
last a lifetime, as will your travel benefits.19. Living well really is the best revenge.
Being miserable because of a
bad or former relationship just proves that the other person
was right about you.20. Be really nice to your
friends because you never know
when you are going to need them
to empty your bed pan
and hold your hand.21. Work is good but
it's not that important.22. Never underestimate the kindness
of your fellow man.23. And finally...
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect,
it just means you've decided to see beyond
the imperfections.